My Blog

            i won’t trade this man for the world!

           

         I am a seamans wife. I have been since I was married. My family is not the ideal family, if ur idea of such is that the members living together in one roof because my husband works overseas. There were those 3 mos. that he stay with me and our daugther. It was his vacation. Those 3 mos. are full of laughter, we injoy each other company.But then, so sad to say that he needs to work back far from us again. Of course we have our needs. I am not a materialistic person. I am content w/ what life in my platter. But i need to understand the fact that he needs to work for our future.

          What irks me most is the idea running around when a spouse (speacially the male) works far, the one left behind, plays fire w/ someone else. To hell to those pea brained individuals and their silly thoughts! But of course, other seaman wives who are so proudly flaunting their clandistine affairs & infidelity do not help me in any ways. It would have been nice if they did not get married in the first place…just ran around & had sex with all the men they fancied. They have made my life more difficult because people already have this notion that every seamans wife does the same thing. And thats UNFAIR! Unfair because there are still wives who value thier families more than what lies between thier legs. And wether you believe me or not (it won’t make any difference if you won’t). I am this kind of wife. I might be loyal to a fault but this is what I am. This is what my values tell me. Why? It is constant togetherness an assurance of loyalty and fidelity in spouses? I guess not. Because I have also observed husbands & wives who are living with each other having clandistine extramarital relationships. They are supposeldly living on the same roof, but are driven by ambitions that draw them farther apart. The distance between my husbad & me is just physical. We are bound by something stronger. No, I wont call it love because  the idea of love ever conquering evrything is for teenagers only. But what my husband and I share that keep us bonded even with seas between are far deeper than mere words to express. If there is word deeper than love then maybe that was the rigth word to say.

          And with this didstance between us, I have been able to grow personally. I have been able to explore a side of my personality w/c I never know existed. In short, physical distance has made me realize my worth as a person & doing so, I have become more open accepting my husband for what he is and the kind of job he had. Some idiot may think may ask if I dont have sexual appetite. Of course, I have. Hello!?… I am not a stone. But let me ask you in return. Is coitus the only way to do it? I guess not. And i am not reffering to the foolish self-made acts you are thinking of. I am reffering to more productive things like having a hobby, a new sport, a new computer game, a new book or anything. Blogging & surfing the net are  just  the things that has made my life alone worthwhile aside from taking care om my little girl, because this is the only social life I have. I am not fond of night life & parties & everything. I am a homebody who choose to spend quit evenings w/ my family & my daugther & blogging my heart off.

          Being a mom, I have certian ethical standard to meet. I am my daugther role model & infidelity on my part could influence my daugther negatively. Aside from this fact moms has a lot of works to do. And even if I have all the time & chances in the whole world for fooling around, I am not foolish to jump into the situation w/c can have me burned.

            Well, well….my husband may be far away but communication is getting more & more advance these days. We can make faces w/ each other through YM & ooVoo, we can laugh & joke w/ each other through text message & keep ouselves updated w/ pictures through Friensdter. And what more could I ask for in my husband possesses? He does not have any qualms about doing the dishes, the cooking, the laundry & all those girly chores. When our daugther cry at night, he doesn’t have complaints about me waking him up in the middle of the night to change diaper or prepare the milk. Some husband. out there won’t do it because they would argue that it is the women’s job. My husband is the provider of the family, a good provider but he doesn’t mind helping around the house. In fact, when he comes home, he makes me feel like a queen. If you had a husband like mine, would you ignore those sweet things he does & play games w/ someone for “dick” only? Well, the choice is yours, really….but me I won’t do it. Have even smacked the face of a certain man who tried to make innuendos w/c i didn’t like.

          If some women out there feel elated & proud for being courted even when they are married, I am not like them when men drop hints of being interested, I feel INSULTED! Don’t ask me why. I just feel that way because I am not born to be a philanderer I am not an insecure fool.

Trouble passes. What has caused you to burst into tears will soon be forgotten. You may remember that you cried but not why you did so! As we grow up and go through life, we are often surprised at how we lie awake at night, brooding over something that has upset us during the day, or how we nurse resentment against someone by letting the same thoughts run through our minds concerning how to have our own back. We may fly into a rage at the spur of the moment over something, and later wonder what it was that we were so angry about, and be surprised to realize what a waste of time and energy it had all been. We have deliberately continued being unhappy when we could have stopped being so and started thinking about something else which is more wholesome.

Whatever our troubles are, and however aggrieved we may feel, time will heal our wounds. but surely there must be something we can do to prevent ourselves from being hurt in the first place. Why should we allow others or our troubles to drain away our energy and make us unhappy? The answer is that they do not. It is we who make ourselves unhappy.

You may have some trouble outside but you should not infect your home with a bad atmosphere. You should realize that there is an end to those problems. The solutions could be found in achieving freedom from our selfish desires, by eradicating all forms of confusion and ignorance.

When we fail to find a solution to a problem, we are inclined to find a scapegoat, on whom we vent our frustration. We are not prepared to admit our own shortcomings. It is easier to put the blame on others. In fact, some even take pleasure in doing so. This is a completely wrong attitude to adopt. We must not show resentment towards others. We should do our utmost, painstakingly and calmly, to resolve our problems. We must be prepared to face up to any difficulties that we encounter.

"To forgive is the highest and most beautiful form of love. In return u will receive untold peace and happiness".

To those people who give me and my hubby so much pain. You know who u are… I hope U realize U made a mistake. God Bless.

“If You Don’t Know What Your Man
Is Thinking, Then He’s Probably
Thinking Of Leaving…”

You Already Know That When A Man “Closes Up” Or Stops Sharing, It’s A Bad Sign. Here’s How To Find Out EXACTLY What’s Going On Inside Of His Head… Then Use That Information To Not Only Re-Ignite His Love And PASSION For You… But Also Create A Deep, Intimate Connection Between The Two Of You That Lasts A Lifetime… Regardless Of What You’ve Been Through… And Even If He’s Already Considering Moving On…

Dear Friend Who Wants To Understand Men Better,

Have you ever wished you had a pair of X-Ray glasses that would let you look inside your man’s mind and let you know EXACTLY what he was thinking?

And if so… if you could get a hold of them and actually see inside of your guy’s head… do you think you’d be excited… or FRIGHTENED by what you might find?

If you answered, “Excited!”… Congratulations! I don’t need to tell you that feminine intuition is STRONG (much stronger than a man’s) and you are probably right.

On the other hand… if you don’t know what your guy is thinking… and if your feminine intuition is telling you that there might be something wrong… then chances are it’s probably WORSE than you think…

In other words… there is a very good chance he is thinking about LEAVING YOU…

And if he isn’t… he’s probably not far from considering it…

I’m sure that this isn’t news to you, and that you’ve already wondered this as well…

It’s almost like you can FEEL a barrier growing between the two of you… and that it’s only becoming BIGGER and harder to overcome as the days go on…

At the same time… I’m sure you also know that there is definitely hope… that it isn’t too late… and that if the two of you could just really connect with each other and talk about what you are both feeling, you could definitely work things out and become even closer together…

Something else you certainly know:

If you’ve hit one of these “barriers to intimacy” in your relationship, you’ve reached the point of “make it or break it”… and if you don’t do something to remedy the situation and rekindle the intimate communication you used to have with your man IMMEDIATELY… this could be it…

Fortunately… this barrier doesn’t have to be an obstacle at all.

In fact… it’s perfectly normal for couples to experience difficult times.

The key, of course… is HOW YOU HANDLE THEM.

And handling these things correctly comes down to one thing:

COMMUNICATION.

When you and your man are able to share open, honest communication with each other… a “rough spot” can actually bring the two of you closer together… and create a rock-solid foundation of love and intimacy that propels you to new levels of connection in your relationship… as you work together to make things great.

But go about things the wrong way… and it could be the beginning of the end…

Unfortunately… having open, honest communication with your man isn’t always easy… and most of the time, HE certainly isn’t going to help.

I’m going to guess that when you try to communicate with your man, you’re running into one or both of these things:

1. He Just Doesn’t Listen

Do you ever feel like what you say to your man goes in one ear and out the other? You know… that look that he gets on his face… where he’s doing his best to ACT like he’s listening… because he doesn’t want you to get upset?

Maybe you’ve asked him nicely to take out the trash every Tuesday for the past 10 weeks… yet every Wednesday morning you wake up to find it hasn’t happened…

Of course… the fact that the trash isn’t out is no big deal. What IS a big deal is that he just isn’t listening to you… or just doesn’t seem to care…

And then… the same thing happens when you try to talk to him about something deep and meaningful… like where your relationship is going or something that’s upsetting you… only to find he seems to care more about who won the ballgame or what’s for dinner…

This can be INSANELY frustrating… and the worst thing is he doesn’t even seem to care that it makes you feel this way.

Not fun.

And on top of all that…

2. He Doesn’t Talk

Have you ever known your man was upset about something and asked him what was wrong… and he simply replied with, “Nothing” and walked away?

You KNEW something was going on… but instead of wanting to talk about it and share his feelings… he simply shut down… and left you to try and “guess” what was bothering him and how to fix it. This kind of behavior, when a person says “nothing” and walks away, is called “passive aggressive”. It’s hard enough to fix the actual problem… but now you’ve also got a passive aggressive problem to deal with on TOP of the actual problem!

Unfortunately, the things most women do to try to “fix” these frustrating situations, gets them nowhere…

The first mistake women often make is to share LESS of their feelings with their man.

Of course this is usually done out of sheer frustration… if attempts to share your feelings with your man get you nowhere… and can even take you BACKWARDS… why bother, right?

But… I think you KNOW that this isn’t the answer.

In fact, I think that YOU know that if the two of you could just sit down and have some open communication with each other, you would BOTH feel better… and it would bring you closer together…

Which is exactly why you want to share your feelings with him in the first place!

Well guess what?

You are absolutely RIGHT.

So with that in mind… is the solution to communicate MORE?

I don’t think so. And if you think back on your past experiences I think you know that attempting to communicate more isn’t the answer…

If you’re not communicating with him in a way that is WORKING… you know as well as I do that things are NOT going to get better.

You can’t blame someone for being optimistic… but if you’re driving and you run into a brick wall, should you keep running into it?

Unfortunately many women make the mistake of thinking that more attempts to communicate with their man will eventually get him to “crack”… or that maybe he will “change”… and that somehow everything will turn out alright.

But let me ask you this… have you ever been in one of these situations and KNOWN deep down in your heart that if you could just get your man to communicate with you and the two of you could openly share your feelings with each other… that the two of you WOULD have worked out… and would have had a great chance at experiencing the dream relationship you both have always wanted?

But then… after months or even years of getting nowhere… eventually you just gave up… and moved on?

Unfortunately I know a lot of women that have experienced this painful situation MANY times…

In fact… for some women this paints a picture of their entire relationship history…

They meet a great guy… have an amazing “honeymoon stage” filled with passion, romance, and tons of fun… but then things start to get difficult… communication breaks down and he begins to “shut off”… and things are NEVER the same again…

It’s sad. And it sucks. But here’s the good news:

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY.

Really.

You CAN get your man to listen to you. You CAN get him to share HIS thoughts and feelings with you. And you CAN get him to take an ACTIVE INTEREST in knowing how YOU are feeling and wanting to bring the two of you closer together… and make the magical thing you share last and last and last…

You just need the right TOOLS and techniques to help you do it.

And this is where I’d like to help you out…

I’ll be the first to admit that we men aren’t always easy to deal with.

Ok… fine… we’re almost never easy to deal with. There, I said it…

But just because it may SEEM as though your man doesn’t want to communicate with you on a deep, emotional level… does that really mean he doesn’t want too?

Does he really NOT care about your feelings and your relationship?

The answer is NO.

In fact… that isn’t the case AT ALL.

Here’s something that may surprise you:

9 times out of 10… when a man is involved in a serious relationship with a woman… he WANTS to communicate just as much… if not MORE… than the woman he is with!

I’m not kidding.

Huh?

I know this seems hard to believe… but stay with me here…

I want you to put yourself in your man’s shoes for a minute…

Imagine for a moment that you were raised with the belief that it is NOT NORMAL for you to want share your feelings with another person… and that if you were to do so, you would come across as WEAK and INSECURE.

Imagine that instead of sharing your feelings with someone you care about… you were taught that you were supposed to keep them bottled up inside of you and deal with them… like a man?

How would this affect your communications with others later on in life?

Well guess what?

Nearly EVERY man is taught from a very early age that it is NOT ok for him to open up to another person…

It’s just not the “manly” thing to do.

These beliefs are POUNDED into his head day in and day out…

As a result of this upbringing, we men are very cautious when it comes to deep, meaningful communication… sharing our feelings… learning about yours… and just the WHOLE IDEA of “feelings” in general…

In fact… just say the word, “feelings” around a man, and most guys will get a little freaked out…

Nod your head if you know what I mean…

Because we men have been taught from a young age that we should deal with our feelings INTERNALLY… we are naturally very resistant to “deeper” communication with ANYONE… including those we care about the most.

It’s not healthy… but it’s all we know.

So naturally… when a woman wants to talk “feelings” with us… we get a little scared and nervous… because it’s not only something we have NEVER done before… it’s also something that we are taught will make us appear WEAK, INSECURE, and less of a man.

And of course… this is the LAST way we want our woman to see us.

Now… you know this isn’t the truth.

You know that sharing feelings with your man will, in fact, bring you closer together…

But unfortunately… years of programming have told us otherwise… and MASSIVE barriers have been built up in our minds.

This creates a HUGE dilemma for US as well…

We WANT to open up to you… but at the same time, we just don’t feel COMFORTABLE doing so…

So instead… we take the “easy” way out… and just avoid it all together.

Fortunately, this “bad programming” of ours can actually be GOOD NEWS for you…

You know just how hard is it to get a man to open up to you… and here’s something else you need to know:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

In fact… most men have so many barriers to open communication built up in their heads, there is a very good chance that YOUR man has never opened up to a woman before.

Seriously.

These barriers can be difficult to “crack”… especially for women who don’t know how…

Because of this, many men will go their entire lives without ever feeling like they have met someone who really understands them.

Remember: We men WANT to share our feelings, and have someone we can open up to…

And when we meet a woman who doesn’t know how to make us feel COMFORTABLE doing so… we get just as frustrated as you do… we just show it in a different way…

That said… it’s VITALLY important that you understand this one simple thing:

A man wants to communicate with you… but he needs your help!

If YOU can be the one woman a guy has been involved with who actually CAN connect with him on a deep, intimate level… it can be a VERY powerful and unique experience for a man…

I’m talking about something he has NEVER experienced before.

And when YOU are the one woman with whom he can have this amazing experience… a very powerful thing begins to happen inside of him…

Your man will see you not only as his lover and partner… but as his soul mate… the one woman on earth who has helped him release all of those feelings and frustrations he’s “bottled up” inside of him over all of those years… and the one woman he can TRULY connect with.

And fortunately… making a man feel comfortable and open to sharing his feelings with you can actually be EASY… when you know the right way to overcome the barriers to communication that are built up in his mind…

You know that men and women CAN successfully communicate with each other.

After all, communicating is how you got to be seriously involved with your man in the first place.

I’m also sure you remember how fun and exciting it was when the two of you first met… how you were absolutely crazy about each other… and how communicating with each other was natural and easy…

But… as two people get to know each other better and become closer to one another, things change…

When you first meet a man, you are less likely to be judgmental of him… and less likely to get your feelings hurt by something he says or does.

As a result, he’s more likely to be honest with you… and a lot more open to communication… because he’s not as worried that you will react negatively to him.

But as you grow closer together, things change…

It’s only natural for you to become more judgmental of his actions and words, and for him to become more judgmental of yours.

This can create more barriers to solid, clear communication… as I’m sure you already know.

Those little “annoyances” that people naturally begin to have about people they spend a lot of time with begin to start appearing… and experiences from past communications begin to mold future interactions…

This can lead to more dishonesty with each other… which often starts out as a “white lie”… and spirals into an all-out fight!

For example… let’s say there was a time when you asked your man what he did the other night when you weren’t together… and he openly told you that he went out with his friends to a bar…

Upon hearing this, it’s very common for a woman to give him a little bit of “crap” for not taking her along… or maybe feel a little jealous and hint—or even flat out accuse him—of going out to meet other girls.

Think about how these behaviors can subconsciously “train” a man to act the next time he’s in a similar situation…

The next time he goes out with the boys and you ask him about it later, even if he kept his eyes on the football game the entire time, it could make MORE sense to him to tell you what he feels is a “white lie”—maybe that he “stayed home”—simply because he doesn’t want you to get worked up!

But then the next day you find the receipt from his bar tab on the counter… and all hell breaks loose…

Now… I’m not saying that you have personally done this particular thing to make your man resistant to communicating with you… this is just an example.

My point is, as if his upbringing wasn’t enough… there are ALL KINDS of other things that make a man resistant to communication…

Some of them occur naturally in a relationship… and some of them you may be bringing about yourself.

Your man may also have other EXTERNAL barriers to communication that you aren’t aware of… such as stress in other areas of his life… insecurities he has with HIMSELF… or even “baggage” from past relationships…

Either way… in order to effectively communicate with your man, it’s important that you learn what his PARTICULAR barriers to open communication are… and how to help HIM overcome them in a way that makes him excited about doing it…

When you do this correctly, your man will not only LISTEN to what you have to say… but also open up to you… and even begin to take an active interest in your feelings… every single day.

So what are the RIGHT ways to achieve this?

Well… unless you’ve been living in a cave, I’m sure you’ve heard what some of the so-called relationship “experts” have to say about this…

But the fact of the matter is…

They are dead wrong!

I’d like to share with you 3 all-too-common communication “myths”… techniques that are SUPPOSED to bring you and your man closer together by getting him to open up to you… but in reality… are almost GUARANTEED to push him farther away…

Let’s get right into it…

Myth #1: Telling A Man Exactly How You Feel Is What’s Most Important

Is it important to share your feelings in your relationship?

Absolutely. Doing so is what gives your relationship intimacy and depth and makes it real.

But do most of us do a good job saying how we feel when we’re upset, hurt, or frustrated by something and we really need someone else to hear us and lend us some understanding?

Absolutely not.

Instead, we end up communicating in a way that not only keeps us from getting the response or outcome we want (having the other person understand us)… but it actually ends up making things WORSE.

Now, I get that it’s frustrating to think or feel like you can’t just “be yourself” with a man and share all your feelings with him. I know that if you don’t have the freedom to experience and express your feelings, or if a man won’t listen to you and try to understand you at all… then your relationship is going to feel like it’s a dead-end.

That’s why lots of women end up feeling like they have to “stuff” some of their emotions down inside themselves if they want to keep their relationship going with a man.

But the reality is that it doesn’t have to be this way, and you CAN share your feelings with a man and not have it back-fire on you… but only if you learn THE RIGHT WAY to do it.

One of the reasons so many women have problems when they share their feelings isn’t just because men don’t “get it”. It’s because most of the “conventional wisdom” out there tells you that when you have a feeling (especially a negative one), you’re supposed to try and be clear about your feelings and say “I feel angry…” or “I feel sad…” or “I feel hurt”.

Some call this using “I statements”. This is a communication technique where you simply state the feelings you are having to start the conversation.

Well, have you ever tried this with a man?

If so, did it get you THE RESULTS you wanted?

Exactly. Not even close.

You probably got either that blank, withdrawn, passive-aggressive response where he did nothing to acknowledge or respect your feelings… or you got that instantly angry or irritated “rejecting” response where he tried to turn your feelings back on you and blame you or criticize you for having them in the first place. As though you were being “too emotional” and making life unnecessarily difficult.

If you start using “I statements” and you weren’t using them before… you’re actually going to get a BETTER response from the man in your life… at first. But you’re going to quickly end up right back where you started if you don’t know WHY “I statements” work… and the other critical pieces to good communication that have to go along with them… or else.

Try thinking of it this way…

If you wanted to lose some weight and firm up your waist, you might start doing sit-ups. And after sticking with your sit-up workout for weeks or months, you would expect some inches to drop from your waistline.

But what if you also had the habit of having several pieces of chocolate cake every day… and after doing your sit-ups, you ate some cake? Would you still lose the weight?

Obviously not. Sit-ups are only ONE PART of what can help you lose weight… but they won’t get the job done on their own.

In other words, if you ignore all the other important components to weight loss… then even though you’re disciplined with your sit-up workout, you aren’t going to get the results you want.

Well… it’s the same with using “I statements”. They are a great technique or tool in communicating with a man, and you may even see some immediate short-term results.

But if you are still repeating your other bad habits (chocolate cake), you won’t really solve the problem and you’ll put the pounds right back on.

That’s why… by using “I statements”, you’ve only interrupted your OLD PATTERN OF COMMUNICATION.

And when you just change your old pattern, you haven’t actually CHANGED what’s been going on and being shared AT A DEEPER LEVEL. You’ve only created a new pattern that rests on the same EMOTIONAL PATTERNS, and is therefore sure to find it’s way back to the same kind of rejecting or ignoring emotional responses you were getting in the past.

Myth #2: A Man Will Fix Your Negative Communication “Patterns” When He Finally “Opens Up”

In case you haven’t realized it yet, most couples have several very distinct patterns they play out over and over in their relationship.

It might be a certain argument that keeps being “re-hashed”.

It might be a recurring source of conflict.

Or it might be some bad experience from the past that keeps coming up.

But part of the pattern always includes some way of coming back together in the end… until the next go round.

You’ll know exactly what I’m talking about if you picture in your mind a couple you know who fights a lot… and you look at what’s actually going on besides the WORDS that they’re saying.

Sure, the words might be what appear ON THE SURFACE; but the argument and the source of pain, anger, or resentment isn’t really about the words if you stop to think about it.

The reality is that all these different arguments and all these conflicts have something in common – the same basic EMOTIONAL PATTERN keeps going on UNDERNEATH THE SURFACE.

By the way, proof that these emotional patterns can be seen when your relationship has been going great for a while… a man has been acting and responding to you differently… and then the “old” guy comes out again and acts the way he used to.

It’s at these times that you feel like for all the work that’s gone into your relationship, it hasn’t really grown one bit. And now you’re back at square one with him acting the way he used to when things were bad, when you thought things were different now.

But the truth is that there was an old NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL PATTERN between the both of you.

Unfortunately, the mistake most women make is to believe this pattern only exists because of the man in their life doing something wrong, and them having to respond.

When in reality the NEGATIVE EMOTIONAL PATTERN going on in their relationship is, by definition, something that plays on the fears and frustrations of BOTH SIDES.

There’s an old wise saying I always come back to:

“It takes two.”

A pattern exists between two people because BOTH PEOPLE play a part in perpetuating the cycle or the pattern they are experiencing.

It basically works like this - when one person acts one way to start a pattern, the other person has a common and predictable response that is exactly what pushes the pattern further along. That’s how patterns work and why they are patterns – they reinforce themselves.

That is why whatever each person in the pattern does, whether they believe they are right or wrong, they are actually ADDING ENERGY to the negative and destructive nature of the pattern and reinforcing its strength and power over them.

Following me here?

The point of this is… if you want to break a pattern in your relationship with a man, the only quick and fool-proof way to do so is to make sure YOU stop reinforcing the pattern and adding energy to it.

A common example of a negative pattern you can probably relate to is when a woman is frustrated that a man won’t open up. (being “closed” is a common male behavior that starts negative patterns in relationships)

When this happens, lots of women get frustrated and try to get the man to open up and listen and share… and without realizing it, they do it in a way that makes a man feel criticized for not being a good partner and knowing how to make her happy. (This is their emotional response or “feedback” that reinforces more of the negative emotional pattern within the man)

And so the man either gets angry or shuts down more.

And then the woman has her own negative reaction to this.

And so continues the pattern… back and forth, from one to the other, triggering destructive behavior and responses on both sides.

Myth #3: “Listening” Means A Man Is Going To Be Happy With What You Have To Say

I doubt you realize it right now, but you have an amazing amount of POWER when it comes to affecting a man with your thoughts, words, and feelings.

An unbelievable amount of power and influence, actually. You just don’t realize it from where you are.

Here’s a fascinating way to think about it…

Most men out there spend a large portion of their daily lives trying to be strong, focused, and unaffected by the problems and distractions of the world so that they can “be men” and strive for what they think of as “success”.

They engage in challenges, fights, negotiations, etc… all things that encourage men to make themselves less “vulnerable” to pain and emotional distress.

In a sense, men spend a lot of energy learning to “turn off” their sensitivity and get things done… and act as though it’s a ‘rite of passage’ and a ‘must’ for a man to be this way.

And in spite of all that, guess what?

A woman can come along and instantly “undo” all that work a man has put into building up his strength and “invulnerability” with just a few words out of her mouth… AND she can do so in a way that no amount of fighting, struggle, pain, etc. with anyone else but the woman he’s close to could ever bring about.

If that’s not power, I don’t know what is.

Most women don’t realize and accept the power that their thoughts, feelings, and words have on the man in their life. In fact, they become fooled and blinded into thinking that they have NO POWER AT ALL because when they share their feelings with a man, he doesn’t respond in the way they expect or want him to.

This is kind of like thinking you can’t sing because you break all the glass in the room each time you let a note ring out.

The fact is that you are TREMENDOUSLY POWERFUL when it comes to influencing a man with your thoughts, emotions, and words. You just need to learn to harness your power and use it to create the response you want.

Or to use our metaphor… if you’re singing along with a group of singers, it doesn’t matter how great you can hit the notes you want if you aren’t singing in the right key - you’re going to sound “off” and make the entire group sound awful as a result.

When you share your feelings with a man, he isn’t always supposed to accept everything you have to say, understand it all on the spot, and feel happy about it.

This isn’t how MATURE COUPLES communicate.

Often times, just like any human being, he will be “singing in his own key”, to use our metaphor again.

Unfortunately, women who are less mature or easily distracted or upset emotionally when they don’t get the response they want end up losing their cool and doing and saying things that are destructive to their relationship… When all the while when things didn’t look “perfect” on the surface, everything was working just fine. They just didn’t know what a real mature conversation looked like. And what it meant when a man was, in fact, being mature and “healthy” in the way he was communicating and responding.

There is a better way. A way that moves beyond the “tit-for-tat” dynamic at the heart of relationships that go from withdrawn, to argumentative, to making-up but not getting past what’s going on BENEATH THE SURFACE.

If you’re serious about creating the type of open, connected, loving relationship with your man that most women… and men… never get to experience… then I have some FANTASTIC news for you…

I’ve just put the finishing touches on a brand new program that is designed to teach any woman how to communicate with her man in a way that not only gets him to listen to you and TAKE INTEREST in what you have to say… but also open up and share his own feelings in a way he has never done with any woman before…

I’ve decided to call this program, “Communication Secrets For A Secure Relationship”.

In it, I’ll show you the hidden secrets to connecting on a deeper emotional level in your relationship… and bringing about more love, intimacy and mutual understanding.

I can’t tell you how many times I have actually watched women communicating with men in their lives, and seen them miss the big opportunities that were right in front of them to not only get more of what THEY WANT from a man in their relationships… but also to help their man get what HE wanted out of the relationship as well.

In other words, the inability to recognize the subtle but critical opportunities to connect even in everyday conversation, but also in the critical relationship “talks” and points of change kept BOTH the woman AND the man from getting what either of them wanted.

I’ve seen, watched, and been on BOTH SIDES of communication in relationships…

I’ve been “that guy” on the other side that DIDN’T GET IT… and I now have the perspective growing out of that and looking back at what went wrong and what I didn’t see – and the mistakes women made with me because they didn’t know how to help me deal with what ‘I’ was going through…

Since then, I’ve helped women, coached them, and worked with literally hundreds of other experts who have spent years observing communication in relationships… and I’ve boiled down all of what I and these experts have seen to the essential elements that will help you become closer and more connected to YOUR man right away…

We like to think arguments, disagreements, etc. have a winner and a loser—or a listener and a talker—but the truth is that often times in intimate relationships BOTH PEOPLE feel like they are “losing”… and misunderstood and unheard.

Of course the good news is that it DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY FOR YOU… and my new “Communication Secrets” program will show you how…

In it, you’ll learn a complete system for identifying exactly what a man means when he says something… and what it means when he doesn’t say anything at all.

You’ll discover clear ways to communicate and share your thoughts and emotions in a way that guarantees a man will listen, respect your feelings, and respond in a positive way.

You’ll also learn about ways of communicating that go BEYOND WORDS.

Words can never tell you everything you need to know about a man… especially if he doesn’t talk or share with you much. It’s actually learning to understand what’s going on “beneath the surface” that makes the difference… and in this program you’re going to learn how to see inside a man’s mind and figure out exactly what he’s REALLY thinking and feeling.

And that’s just the start.

Here are a few more of the powerful secrets you’ll learn:

• How to tap into the “hidden messages” your man is SUBCONCIOUSLY sending you… and know exactly what he is thinking and feeling at all times
• The REAL reasons why men pull away when you try to talk to them about something meaningful (Here’s how to find out if it’s because of things that are going on with him… or if it’s YOU that is causing him to be resistant)
• 2 dangerous mistakes women make that make even the most understanding men CLOSE UP… often permanently (If the communication in your relationship used to be great but is now non-existent, chances are it’s because you did one of these 2 things)
• How to use your BODY LANGUAGE to make a man feel comfortable and relaxed around you (This is one of the big KEYS to getting him to open up and share his feelings)
• How to keep your conversations from turning into ARGUMENTS (I don’t need to tell you how important this one is. Here’s how to see his side from a position of understanding instead of anger… and get him to do the same)
• The times when you must ALWAYS let a man “take charge” (Miss any of these and he’ll see you as “controlling” and ANNOYING)
• How to react when your man does something WRONG (Most women mess this one up and make things worse… and even cause their man to resent them. Here’s exactly how to handle it in a way that makes sure he never makes the same mistake twice)
• How to identify what you really want out of your relationship and how to let your man know in a way that gets him EXCITED about working with you to achieve what’s best for both of you
• How to phrase your questions in a way that gets your man to actually give you an honest answer instead of avoiding them
• EMOTIONAL FREQUENCY – How to tune in to what your man is thinking and feeling and use this information to communicate with him at a deeper level than anyone ever has before
• Why a man needs his “alone time” (It’s important that you know when to “let him be” and the times when he is open to conversation)
• Logical vs. Emotional Communication – How to appeal to a man’s LOGICAL side in order to get what you want emotionally
• The one LAW of communicating with a man you must never break (Almost ALL women make this mistake at one point or another… and often it’s the ONE THING that keeps them from ever really connecting with their man at a deep level)
• 4 word-for-word lines to say to your man to get the conversation about your relationship started in a way that makes him OPEN to what you have to say instead of “shutting down”
• The 5 deadly communication MISTAKES most women make… and what to do instead (If your relationship is new or still in the “honeymoon stage” you can afford to make 1 or 2 of these mistakes… but if it’s even close to “on the rocks” just one could end it much faster than you think)
• How to create security in your relationship that goes FAR BEYOND simply having the title of “boyfriend”, “husband”, etc. (Here’s how to create a deep, intimate, heartfelt connection that both of you can FEEL and take comfort in)
• How to figure out EXACTLY what to say and ask your man in order to bring you closer together (It’s different for everyone so it’s important that you learn what needs to be said to create honesty and understanding in YOUR relationship. Here’s how…)
• The 5 things you would THINK would bring you closer to your man that actually push you farther apart (Chances are you are doing many of these things now… and you need to STOP IMMEDIATELY)
• 5 simple things you can do every day to create a deeper connection with your man that require no “work” (Men LOVE when you do these things… and they often make the difference in whether a relationship lasts for years or just weeks or months)
• How to build your man up into the great partner and lover you KNOW he could be (Here’s how to help your man tap into his hidden potential and be the BEST mate possible, step-by-step)
• What to do if you feel like you are doing all the “work” in your relationship and he is doing nothing (This common problem is surprisingly EASY to fix… but unfortunately most women never learn how…)
• What to do if your man has become “disengaged” and doesn’t do the nice things he did for you when you first started dating (Here’s how to get things back on track and re-ignite his EXCITEMENT for treating you like a queen)
• How to move beyond simply “fixing” your relationship… and instead create a SECURE FOUNDATION that holds the two of you together during good times and bad
• Why men take longer to process what you say than women do (Here’s how to tell if he is actually listening to you and just taking time to process or if he’s merely “faking it”)
• How to respond when your man gets mad about you not calling him… or other “little things” that actually have a BIG effect on how he feels about you and whether or not he trusts you
• A simple 7-step exercise that will show you EXACTLY where you are making communication errors with your man… and how to fix them quickly
• How to speak to your man in a way that gets him to understand precisely what you mean instead of “guessing” (Most women are far too vague when communicating with their men and guys almost NEVER know what you mean. Here’s how to communicate with him in way that forces him to “get” what you are saying and also RESPECT YOU for saying exactly what you mean)
• DOZENS of word-for-word examples to show you how these breakthrough techniques and strategies should be used in the real world
• 4 ways women COMPLAIN to men that only make the problem worse… and can even make a man resent them (It SEEMS like saying these things to a man would get him to change his ways… but in actuality they do the opposite)
• How to identify and eliminate any negative communication patterns you have in your relationship and replace them with GOOD HABITS that bring you closer together
• A powerful 5-minute exercise that shows you how to control your emotions during your talks with your man… so you NEVER make the mistake of saying something you might regret
• How YOU could be causing your man to treat you poorly (Here’s how to turn things around and get him to not only RESPECT you as a person but treat you like a queen)
• A big mistake women make that causes a man to feel he must be DISHONEST with her… even about the “little things”!
• A fun exercise to do TOGETHER with your man that helps you get to know each other on a very deep level… and find out exactly what makes each other “tick” (The best part about this one is it’s FUN and you and your man will have a blast doing it!)

To ensure that no stone was left unturned, I invited some of the world’s foremost experts in the area of personal communication to join me in this program… and share their unique strategies for increasing the communication and PASSION inside of your relationship…

From an expert in astrology and personality types to a famous doctor who specializes in human sexuality… you’re going to hear IT ALL…

I can’t tell you what a pleasure it was for me to have these guests join me on stage… the information they shared is going to BLOW YOUR MIND… and you’ll use it to blow your man’s mind as well…

Here’s a small preview of what you’ll learn from my amazing guests:

• How to criticize a guy’s actions or behavior in a way that makes him not only listen to you and RESPECT what you have to say… but take action to change his behavior for the better (If there is something your guy does that drives you nuts, use this technique to let him know about it and what to do instead in a way that earns his respect instead of turning on you)
• The Planetary Personality Types – A unique and accurate way to “size up” your man in MINUTES and figure out the exact way to communicate with him that gets him to respond the most
• The 3 characteristics all men MUST HAVE in a woman they will open up to
• REVEALED: The 3 most common male fantasies! (My guest has gone through THOUSANDS of studies and discovered that these 3 fantasies are shared by nearly all men. Here’s how you can use them to spice up your relationship and rock his world the very same night you learn them)
• How treating a man like a “dog” can actually get you what you want (It sounds funny, but it’s true. Here’s how…)
• How to use secret body language “tweaks” to change a man’s perception of you and make him feel more comfortable around you
• My guest’s simple step-by-step method to give your guy—and yourself—the best night of sex either of you has ever experienced! (You won’t find this routine in any book or magazine anywhere… and I GUARANTEE your man has never experienced anything like this before…)
• How to tell your partner what you like in the bedroom without hurting his ego (Do just this one thing and he will be even more eager to please you… and often)
• Exactly what to do when a guy you care about STANDS YOU UP (Deal with this in the wrong way and he’ll start to see you as “needy”… but do this instead and you’ll NEVER have to worry about him standing you up again)
• The Shy Girl’s Guide To Erotic Talk In The Bedroom – He’s how to drive your man wild using only your words and have him BEGGING for more…
• The 4 powerful things you can do to spice up your “making love” life TONIGHT that require zero work, “skill”, or expense
• The simple 4-word “rule” you must NEVER break when communicating with your man (Making just this one mistake leads to payback, withdrawal… and even WORSE behavior from him)
• A reaction men often have when you tell them something important that makes it SEEM as though he isn’t listening to you… but actually means he’s deeply concerned (Mess this one up and he could end up resenting you… so pay attention)
• The absolute best way to make sure a man listens to you when you have something REALLY important you need to share (When you absolutely positively must have a man’s attention, this is the technique to use)
• The time when you must let HIM take control in order to get what YOU want
• A simple two-word change in the way you express a concern to a man that will make him respond positively to what you are saying instead of getting angry and defensive
• A simple 3-minute exercise to do BEFORE you talk to your man that clears your mind and relaxes you (Do this first to ensure you don’t “lose it” and say something you’ll regret later)
• How you can give your man variety in a monogamous relationship
• The 5 Key Ingredients every relationship must have if it’s going to last more than just a few months (Most relationships have 1 or 2 of these things… but it’s only couples who share ALL 5 that end up lasting forever…)
• And much, much more…

Life is tOo shOrt. Grudges are waste of prfct happiness.Laf whn u can, apologze whn u shud. And let  go of wat u cnt change. Luv deeply and forgiv quickly. Tke chnces, give evrythn and hav no rgrets. Lyf is toO short to b unhappy. U hav to tke d gud w/ d bad. Smyl whn u r sad. Luv wht u got and always rmmbr what u had. Alwyz forgive bt nvr forgt. Learn frm ur mstkes but nvr regret. People change and thngs gO wrOng but alwyz rmmbr lyf goes On!

So Ladies, you want to find Mr. Right and settle down, so let’s get to work! First of all it is important to take a mental inventory of yourself. Are you happy with yourself and with your life? What about your job situation? Are you satisfied with your career and making a difference in the world? How is your self-esteem, do you value yourself? Have you let go of any past baggage that might keep you from moving on from a past relationship? Are you looking in the right places for the right kind of men?

As you do this personal inventory, go within and see if any of these issues may be hindering your progress as far as readiness for a serious relationship. One of the most important things you can do while you are waiting for Mr. Right to come along is to become Mrs. Right. Work on developing your hobbies, talents, spirituality and if necessary improving your health. If you are not satisfied with where you are at the present time, picture yourself, as you want to be. Write down your personal goals, not only for Mr. Right, but what you think you can work on that would help you attract Mr. Right. Start affirming your goals on a daily basis and remind yourself that you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. Next, you should decide what qualities you want in a husband. It is important to set your standards high enough that you find a quality person.

Next, instead of fretting because he hasn’t found you yet, keep busy with your own life. Do things that make you happy. If you are lonely, volunteer or join a service organization. I’ve heard it said over and over again that Mr. Right usually shows up when we are too busy to notice or when we are not looking. We’ve all heard the stories of our friends who met the guy who started out to be Prince Charming and ended up being a nightmare. I have found that this happens when woman are desperate and jump into relationships too quickly without getting to really know the person before becoming intimate with them. Once you open the door to intimacy it is too late to turn back. Many of the men in this category are manipulators or dysfunctional characters who use women or abuse them, so if things seem too good to be true and your man moves too fast, BEWARE!!! Remember, we are looking for our true love, so it’s okay to take it slow and be picky. There is a true story of a single woman who wanted to get married. One day, she decided to affirm the desires she had for the man of her dreams. She had always wanted a man who was a romantic type and who would bring her roses often. So she purchased a notebook and cut out pictures of Roses and pasted them in it so that she could look at them everyday. She would meditate on this and she would think of the kind of man she wanted to marry. She had also always desired to be given a nice big diamond engagement ring, so she found pictures of rings, cut them out and added them to her “wish book”. She decided she wanted a man who was successful and one that had a big, beautifully furnished house as well. After all if she had to pick just one man, she might as well get everything she wanted in this man, right? Well, she cut out pictures of every single thing she wanted and then looked at her wish book every single day and with in several months met the exact man and is now married to her sweetheart. He brings her roses often; bought her a huge diamond engagement ring, and they live in his spacious house that is beautifully furnished. So, there is power in asking God or the universe to send you the man of your dreams and it doesn’t hurt to be specific.

Where are all the good men hiding? Well, one of the first places I would suggest if you are of a religious nature would be at your local church or synagogue. If religion is something you value, in the long run marrying someone of your same faith or value system may be of great importance. A friend of mine who has been married for 15 years didn’t think that was such a big deal when she married her husband who is agnostic. Over the years it has caused her great misery, as she has become more spiritual and he has not. There are many religious online dating services as well that can match you with good men. I have found that there are many of them to choose from and highly recommend this avenue. If you are not religious, there are many online dating services that are secular as well. Just be careful to really get to know who you are connecting with and never arrange to meet someone you’ve met online at his or your home. Always meet in a public place, where you can leave if you want to. Also, there are predators out there so ladies, keep an eye on your drinks. Don’t become a victim of a sexual predator. If you have to go to the ladies room, get a fresh drink when you return to the table if you are on a first date. After all, Ted Bundy looked like the guy next door.

Other possible ways to meet men include: health clubs, singles groups, café’s, coffeehouses, book & grocery stores, sporting events, parties, adult education classes, university extension courses, personal ads, dating services, volunteer activities, laundromats, libraries, pool & hot tub in an apartment complex, jogging, bike riding, hikes organized by outdoor clubs, dance classes, auction houses, craft fairs, flea markets, swap meets and through mutual friends.

Let your friends and family know that you are looking for Mr. Right and ask them if they know of anyone they can set you up with. If you don’t let them know you are looking, it may never occur to them that they actually do know some single men who are also hoping to find Mrs. Right.

Remember nice guys do finish last, don’t be too picky. Many of us have dated the bad boys because they bring excitement to our lives, but for the most part they leave a long trail of broken hearts along the way. Once I thought I would only be attracted to types like this GQ model I met years ago in New York City, and then I met a guy through a roommate who was shorter than I am, and balding. He also had a big nose, but as we got to know each other and became close friends, those things didn’t seem to matter because of the mutual care and concern that we felt for one another. We had become good friends first and when we finally did begin dating there was an unexpected chemistry that was really surprising. I realized then, that my standards had been too rigid and I was passing up a lot of good guys because they didn’t “look” exactly like the Prince Charming I had always pictured in my mind. Also, there is no shortage of men who are divorced or widowed, or who have children already. Be open-minded, that just opens you up to more possibilities.

That brings us to the question of “The Rules” and other dating myths. Several years ago there was a dating advice book that came out that became a national best seller called “The Rules”. The premise was that by playing hard to get, you become more valuable to your man and he, by seeing you as a challenge, will work harder for you and thus value you more highly. At the time the book came out, I bought my copy like everyone else. But being one to not always follow the masses, decided to do some research of my own. At that time I worked in an office with few woman and many men. I decided to conduct my own survey regarding the men’s opinion of the rules and whether they were crucial to the success of a marriage or dating relationship. What I found out was surprising; out of all the men surveyed (and it was a large number) one third agreed with the rules and said they liked the chase. The next third didn’t agree with the rules and said they just wanted a woman to be herself. Most surprisingly of all was the last third who I will call “the shy guys”, they all said that they were so shy that if the women they were interested in had practiced the rules they never would have gotten married, because they needed the women to show some interest in them (meaning the women pursued them). This is just food for thought and each situation is different. So be aware of that. It cannot hurt to make a man work for you. If you are too readily available he might not appreciate you enough, but consider all things in moderation. If you are too unavailable he may think you aren’t interested and most of us (whether male or female) don’t like to play games.

Well, ladies, I hope this has been helpful. Most of all believe in yourself and be your best self. Believe that love is out there waiting to find you. You deserve the best guy ever imaginable. Become happy with who you are, count your blessings and your good qualities. Focus on the positive things, your assets and let those things over shadow any things you don’t like about yourself. Don’t waste your time with anyone who puts you down or doesn’t treat you like you are the best thing he’s ever found. Remember, you want a husband who brings out the best in you and vice versa. If he’s into you, then he’ll make you a high priority in his life. If he doesn’t than you deserve better.

May you all find your Prince Charming, have that magnificent wedding you’ve always dreamed of and live happily ever after…

If you are reading this article it is either because you are currently in a long distance relationship or you are thinking of beginning one. If you are already involved in a romantic entanglement with a “geographically undesirable”, perhaps you are thinking of cutting them loose? Before you cast the final vote to boot your love to the curb let me share with you some secrets I have discovered on how to make a long distance relationship work.

My viewpoint like many romantics was, “love can and will conquer all.” Looking back now I realize while both our intentions were good, a solid and mutually respectful relationship needs to be built on something more. This is not to imply in any way a long distance relationship can’t work After all I did title this “ How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work!” I just simply want to point out a few pitfalls to avoid, suggest a good time to bail out if it’s not working and offer a helping hand to those of you about to “dive” in.

Making the Decision to Date Long Distance
If you are lucky enough to find someone geographically desirable, count your blessings! For those of us not in that “club” I would suggest that you consider whether the relationship is really that important for you to commit your time and effort. If the answer is no, then move on now! If the answer comes up “I just can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else” then read on.

Mutual Commitment
I can not emphasize how important it is that both of you are committed to making this work. It is very easy when things are exciting and new to promise to call every day or set up plans to meet every month. The true test is not in the promises one makes, but in their actions. So often, in long distnace relationship, people are well intentioned. In the beginning the calls are made, the trips are planned, the e-mail comes and then suddenly excuses are made and contact becomes less and less frequent. Ask yourself and your significant other if the two of you are honest about your level of commitment? Arrange plans to talk, visit, e-mail etc. Make your expectations clear. If contact is becoming less frequent speak openly and honestly before jumping to conclusions. People get tired, have other commitments, emergencies do happen etc. Once or twice does not mean the relationship is over! If you speak with your significant other in a way that is non defensive you are much more likely to get a straight and truthful answer. If a pattern of excuses continues for too long it would be best to bail out. “When do you know if it is too long?” you ask Your intuition will tell you, “ Hey, I think that was a load of you know what he/she just gave me.” Remember, the other person’s level of commitment should match yours. If you are trying to build a relationship on partial truths and find yourself always making excuses for why he didn’t call, bless him and send him packing.

Mutual Trust
Trust never comes easy, but in a long distance relationship it takes work. Both of you need to feel secure with all that distance between you. Part of that includes keeping your partner informed about what’s happening in your life. Don’t shut your significant other out and assume they couldn’t possibly care less about your family, friends and experiences. They want and need to know that your opinion matters and that you have told your friends that you are in a loving, caring and committed relationship.
Daily e-mails are a great way to keep them in the loop. Try leaving a message on his or her voice mail “Hi honey, going to the game with the gang just called to say I’m thinking about you.”

Keeping In Touch
I can not over emphasize how important it is to touch base with your loved one in some small way. I would suggest at least several times a week you make contact. Send gifts, cards, e-mails, phone calls, in person visits, old fashioned letter writing, whatever you can do to keep it going. Do not assume that letting days, weeks or even long periods of time go by without an explanation will not bother your partner. You may feel secure because you know you are not doing anything wrong, but your partner undoubtedly will need the assurance at some point.

Planning for the Future
There comes a time in every relationship when you have to make plans for the future. If this relationship is to move forward then the two of you will have to decide where to live. Will you move in together? Will you get married? Do you simply want to live closer to see how it goes? Obviously one or the other will have to leave their job, family and friends behind for this to happen. In my relationship, like so many others this is where it fell apart

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that was less than you expected? Or maybe you know of a friend or family member has become involved with someone who did not treat them appropriately and may have even been abusive. This is an all too common situation that can happen when searching for that right person. Many times these individuals do not show their true colors until later on in the relationship when intimacy has been established, thus making them harder to leave. Unfortunately, I have known of friends and family members who never intended to get involved with someone of that nature, yet it can happen to anyone, especially if one is not careful. Fortunately, there are warning signs, which can signal that this individual is not healthy and good for you. As you search for that special person, keep this list handy.

Signs and Characteristics of an Unhealthy Relationship

· He/She is jealous of your close friends, family members and all other men/women.
· Moody, unpredictable. Moods are extreme or change quickly.
· Selfish. Cares more about his/her needs and wants than yours. (Only concerned with “I”, instead of “we”).
· After the initial first or second date, doesn’t want to take you out again, just wants to stay in and watch movies/ have sex.
· Pushes intimacy before you are ready or is sexually aggressive.
· He/she starts planning your future right away.
· He/she hates his/her mother or father and treats him/her badly.
· He/she always wants your undivided attention.
· He/she must always be in charge.
· He/she always has to win.
· He/she always asks where you went and whom you saw.
· He/she can’t take criticism and always justifies his/her actions.
· Only calls you when he/she is drunk (a booty call) or doesn’t ask you out ahead of time.
· Uses you for sex, but doesn’t take you out on dates.
· Never has money, expects you to pay for everything.
· Has a bad or violent temper (especially when he/she doesn’t get his or her way).
· Isolates you from friends and family.
· Brings you down by criticizing you or putting you down (verbal abuse).
· Blames you for his/her problems or things that aren’t your fault. Blames you for everything that goes wrong in his/her life.
· Too needy or dependent upon you.
· Too demanding or unrealistic expectations. Expects you to be his/her “Slave, Maid or Mother/Father-figure”. May even expect so much of you that you are unable to take good care of yourself.
· Is Manipulative/controlling. Tries to influence you to do things you don’t feel comfortable doing like missing work or breaking the law.
· He/she often says you don’t know what you are talking about.
· He/she makes you feel like you are not good enough.
· He/She withdraws his/her love or approval as punishment.
· Doesn’t care about your feelings or makes you feel bad for having feelings.
· Is secretive about his/her past (may be an ex-convict, pedophile, con-artist or sex-offender).
· Has had multiple failed relationships.
· Cannot keep a job.
· Flirts with other men/woman when you are with her/him.
· Cheats on you or insists upon having or hiding relationships with other men/women from you.
· Lets you know up front that he/or she is not interested in marrying you, but wants a sexual relationship anyway.
· Brings out the worst in you.
· Not trust worthy. Takes/steals from you/ uses you. Takes more than he/she gives back.
· Asks you for money, credit cards, loans or other financial assistance too early on in the relationship.
· Pushes you, holds you down or hits you (physically abusive).
· Influences you to compromise core goals, morals or values.
· Won’t talk to you about the relationship or whatever you may want to discuss, always avoids serious conversations.
· Judge-mental of your life and struggles, although has his/her own share of problems.
· Emotionally distant or goes to someone else to get emotional support. Avoids closeness instead of connecting (intimacy).
· Doesn’t follow through with promises. Breaks them all of the time.
· Always angry for something you did or didn’t do.
· You find yourself apologizing to others for them or making excuses for them.
· You give them chance after chance.
· You end up paying for their sins or forgetfulness.
· You resent them or nag them.
· He/she is addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.
· Is unable to admit they have weaknesses. They believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.
· Is defensive instead of open to feedback.
· Is self-righteous vs. humble.
· Only apologize, but never change their behavior.
· Avoids working on their problems instead of dealing with them
· Demands trust instead of earning it.
· Blames others instead of taking responsibility for their lives.
· Lies instead of telling the truth.
· Is stagnant instead of growing.
· Stays in parent/child roles instead of treating you like and equal.
· Gossips instead of keeping secrets.
· Is unstable over time instead of consistent.
· Flatters you instead of confronting you.
· Condemns you instead of forgiving you.
· He threatens you with harm or destroys your property.
· You feel like you are always walking on “egg shells” when he/she is around.

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

· Communication is open and spontaneous (including listening).
· Rules/boundaries are clear and explicit, yet allows flexibility.
· Individuality, freedom and personal identity is enhanced.
· Each enjoys doing things for self, as well as for the other.
· Play, humor, and having fun together is commonplace.
· Each does not attempt to “fix” or control the other.
· Acceptance of self and other (for real selves).
· Assertiveness: feelings and needs are expressed.
· Humility: able to let go of the need to “be right”.
· Self confidence and security in own worth.
· Conflict is faced directly and resolved.
· Openness to constructive feedback.
· Each is trustful of the other.
· Balance of giving and receiving.
· Negotiations are fair and democratic.
· Tolerance: forgiveness of self and other.
· Mistakes are accepted and learned from.
· Willingness to take risks and be vulnerable.
· Other meaningful relationships and interests exist.
· Each can enjoy being alone and privacy is respected.
· Personal growth, change and exploration is encouraged.
· Continuity and consistency is present in the commitment.
· Balance of oneness (closeness) and separation from each other.
· Responsibility for own behaviors and happiness (not blaming other).

In the Book Safe People, by Cloud &Townsend, the subject of healthy relationships is covered extensively. The main components of a good relationship listed there are:

· Draws us closer to God.
· Draws us closer to others.
· Helps us become the real person God created us to be (brings out the best in us).
· They are able to connect with us in a way that we know that they are present with us.
· They love and accept you just as you are, which allows growth.
· Allows us to speak the truth about our faults (honestly) to one another without fear of condemnation.