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So Ladies, you want to find Mr. Right and settle down, so let’s get to work! First of all it is important to take a mental inventory of yourself. Are you happy with yourself and with your life? What about your job situation? Are you satisfied with your career and making a difference in the world? How is your self-esteem, do you value yourself? Have you let go of any past baggage that might keep you from moving on from a past relationship? Are you looking in the right places for the right kind of men?

As you do this personal inventory, go within and see if any of these issues may be hindering your progress as far as readiness for a serious relationship. One of the most important things you can do while you are waiting for Mr. Right to come along is to become Mrs. Right. Work on developing your hobbies, talents, spirituality and if necessary improving your health. If you are not satisfied with where you are at the present time, picture yourself, as you want to be. Write down your personal goals, not only for Mr. Right, but what you think you can work on that would help you attract Mr. Right. Start affirming your goals on a daily basis and remind yourself that you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. Next, you should decide what qualities you want in a husband. It is important to set your standards high enough that you find a quality person.

Next, instead of fretting because he hasn’t found you yet, keep busy with your own life. Do things that make you happy. If you are lonely, volunteer or join a service organization. I’ve heard it said over and over again that Mr. Right usually shows up when we are too busy to notice or when we are not looking. We’ve all heard the stories of our friends who met the guy who started out to be Prince Charming and ended up being a nightmare. I have found that this happens when woman are desperate and jump into relationships too quickly without getting to really know the person before becoming intimate with them. Once you open the door to intimacy it is too late to turn back. Many of the men in this category are manipulators or dysfunctional characters who use women or abuse them, so if things seem too good to be true and your man moves too fast, BEWARE!!! Remember, we are looking for our true love, so it’s okay to take it slow and be picky. There is a true story of a single woman who wanted to get married. One day, she decided to affirm the desires she had for the man of her dreams. She had always wanted a man who was a romantic type and who would bring her roses often. So she purchased a notebook and cut out pictures of Roses and pasted them in it so that she could look at them everyday. She would meditate on this and she would think of the kind of man she wanted to marry. She had also always desired to be given a nice big diamond engagement ring, so she found pictures of rings, cut them out and added them to her “wish book”. She decided she wanted a man who was successful and one that had a big, beautifully furnished house as well. After all if she had to pick just one man, she might as well get everything she wanted in this man, right? Well, she cut out pictures of every single thing she wanted and then looked at her wish book every single day and with in several months met the exact man and is now married to her sweetheart. He brings her roses often; bought her a huge diamond engagement ring, and they live in his spacious house that is beautifully furnished. So, there is power in asking God or the universe to send you the man of your dreams and it doesn’t hurt to be specific.

Where are all the good men hiding? Well, one of the first places I would suggest if you are of a religious nature would be at your local church or synagogue. If religion is something you value, in the long run marrying someone of your same faith or value system may be of great importance. A friend of mine who has been married for 15 years didn’t think that was such a big deal when she married her husband who is agnostic. Over the years it has caused her great misery, as she has become more spiritual and he has not. There are many religious online dating services as well that can match you with good men. I have found that there are many of them to choose from and highly recommend this avenue. If you are not religious, there are many online dating services that are secular as well. Just be careful to really get to know who you are connecting with and never arrange to meet someone you’ve met online at his or your home. Always meet in a public place, where you can leave if you want to. Also, there are predators out there so ladies, keep an eye on your drinks. Don’t become a victim of a sexual predator. If you have to go to the ladies room, get a fresh drink when you return to the table if you are on a first date. After all, Ted Bundy looked like the guy next door.

Other possible ways to meet men include: health clubs, singles groups, café’s, coffeehouses, book & grocery stores, sporting events, parties, adult education classes, university extension courses, personal ads, dating services, volunteer activities, laundromats, libraries, pool & hot tub in an apartment complex, jogging, bike riding, hikes organized by outdoor clubs, dance classes, auction houses, craft fairs, flea markets, swap meets and through mutual friends.

Let your friends and family know that you are looking for Mr. Right and ask them if they know of anyone they can set you up with. If you don’t let them know you are looking, it may never occur to them that they actually do know some single men who are also hoping to find Mrs. Right.

Remember nice guys do finish last, don’t be too picky. Many of us have dated the bad boys because they bring excitement to our lives, but for the most part they leave a long trail of broken hearts along the way. Once I thought I would only be attracted to types like this GQ model I met years ago in New York City, and then I met a guy through a roommate who was shorter than I am, and balding. He also had a big nose, but as we got to know each other and became close friends, those things didn’t seem to matter because of the mutual care and concern that we felt for one another. We had become good friends first and when we finally did begin dating there was an unexpected chemistry that was really surprising. I realized then, that my standards had been too rigid and I was passing up a lot of good guys because they didn’t “look” exactly like the Prince Charming I had always pictured in my mind. Also, there is no shortage of men who are divorced or widowed, or who have children already. Be open-minded, that just opens you up to more possibilities.

That brings us to the question of “The Rules” and other dating myths. Several years ago there was a dating advice book that came out that became a national best seller called “The Rules”. The premise was that by playing hard to get, you become more valuable to your man and he, by seeing you as a challenge, will work harder for you and thus value you more highly. At the time the book came out, I bought my copy like everyone else. But being one to not always follow the masses, decided to do some research of my own. At that time I worked in an office with few woman and many men. I decided to conduct my own survey regarding the men’s opinion of the rules and whether they were crucial to the success of a marriage or dating relationship. What I found out was surprising; out of all the men surveyed (and it was a large number) one third agreed with the rules and said they liked the chase. The next third didn’t agree with the rules and said they just wanted a woman to be herself. Most surprisingly of all was the last third who I will call “the shy guys”, they all said that they were so shy that if the women they were interested in had practiced the rules they never would have gotten married, because they needed the women to show some interest in them (meaning the women pursued them). This is just food for thought and each situation is different. So be aware of that. It cannot hurt to make a man work for you. If you are too readily available he might not appreciate you enough, but consider all things in moderation. If you are too unavailable he may think you aren’t interested and most of us (whether male or female) don’t like to play games.

Well, ladies, I hope this has been helpful. Most of all believe in yourself and be your best self. Believe that love is out there waiting to find you. You deserve the best guy ever imaginable. Become happy with who you are, count your blessings and your good qualities. Focus on the positive things, your assets and let those things over shadow any things you don’t like about yourself. Don’t waste your time with anyone who puts you down or doesn’t treat you like you are the best thing he’s ever found. Remember, you want a husband who brings out the best in you and vice versa. If he’s into you, then he’ll make you a high priority in his life. If he doesn’t than you deserve better.

May you all find your Prince Charming, have that magnificent wedding you’ve always dreamed of and live happily ever after…

If you are reading this article it is either because you are currently in a long distance relationship or you are thinking of beginning one. If you are already involved in a romantic entanglement with a “geographically undesirable”, perhaps you are thinking of cutting them loose? Before you cast the final vote to boot your love to the curb let me share with you some secrets I have discovered on how to make a long distance relationship work.

My viewpoint like many romantics was, “love can and will conquer all.” Looking back now I realize while both our intentions were good, a solid and mutually respectful relationship needs to be built on something more. This is not to imply in any way a long distance relationship can’t work After all I did title this “ How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work!” I just simply want to point out a few pitfalls to avoid, suggest a good time to bail out if it’s not working and offer a helping hand to those of you about to “dive” in.

Making the Decision to Date Long Distance
If you are lucky enough to find someone geographically desirable, count your blessings! For those of us not in that “club” I would suggest that you consider whether the relationship is really that important for you to commit your time and effort. If the answer is no, then move on now! If the answer comes up “I just can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else” then read on.

Mutual Commitment
I can not emphasize how important it is that both of you are committed to making this work. It is very easy when things are exciting and new to promise to call every day or set up plans to meet every month. The true test is not in the promises one makes, but in their actions. So often, in long distnace relationship, people are well intentioned. In the beginning the calls are made, the trips are planned, the e-mail comes and then suddenly excuses are made and contact becomes less and less frequent. Ask yourself and your significant other if the two of you are honest about your level of commitment? Arrange plans to talk, visit, e-mail etc. Make your expectations clear. If contact is becoming less frequent speak openly and honestly before jumping to conclusions. People get tired, have other commitments, emergencies do happen etc. Once or twice does not mean the relationship is over! If you speak with your significant other in a way that is non defensive you are much more likely to get a straight and truthful answer. If a pattern of excuses continues for too long it would be best to bail out. “When do you know if it is too long?” you ask Your intuition will tell you, “ Hey, I think that was a load of you know what he/she just gave me.” Remember, the other person’s level of commitment should match yours. If you are trying to build a relationship on partial truths and find yourself always making excuses for why he didn’t call, bless him and send him packing.

Mutual Trust
Trust never comes easy, but in a long distance relationship it takes work. Both of you need to feel secure with all that distance between you. Part of that includes keeping your partner informed about what’s happening in your life. Don’t shut your significant other out and assume they couldn’t possibly care less about your family, friends and experiences. They want and need to know that your opinion matters and that you have told your friends that you are in a loving, caring and committed relationship.
Daily e-mails are a great way to keep them in the loop. Try leaving a message on his or her voice mail “Hi honey, going to the game with the gang just called to say I’m thinking about you.”

Keeping In Touch
I can not over emphasize how important it is to touch base with your loved one in some small way. I would suggest at least several times a week you make contact. Send gifts, cards, e-mails, phone calls, in person visits, old fashioned letter writing, whatever you can do to keep it going. Do not assume that letting days, weeks or even long periods of time go by without an explanation will not bother your partner. You may feel secure because you know you are not doing anything wrong, but your partner undoubtedly will need the assurance at some point.

Planning for the Future
There comes a time in every relationship when you have to make plans for the future. If this relationship is to move forward then the two of you will have to decide where to live. Will you move in together? Will you get married? Do you simply want to live closer to see how it goes? Obviously one or the other will have to leave their job, family and friends behind for this to happen. In my relationship, like so many others this is where it fell apart

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship that was less than you expected? Or maybe you know of a friend or family member has become involved with someone who did not treat them appropriately and may have even been abusive. This is an all too common situation that can happen when searching for that right person. Many times these individuals do not show their true colors until later on in the relationship when intimacy has been established, thus making them harder to leave. Unfortunately, I have known of friends and family members who never intended to get involved with someone of that nature, yet it can happen to anyone, especially if one is not careful. Fortunately, there are warning signs, which can signal that this individual is not healthy and good for you. As you search for that special person, keep this list handy.

Signs and Characteristics of an Unhealthy Relationship

· He/She is jealous of your close friends, family members and all other men/women.
· Moody, unpredictable. Moods are extreme or change quickly.
· Selfish. Cares more about his/her needs and wants than yours. (Only concerned with “I”, instead of “we”).
· After the initial first or second date, doesn’t want to take you out again, just wants to stay in and watch movies/ have sex.
· Pushes intimacy before you are ready or is sexually aggressive.
· He/she starts planning your future right away.
· He/she hates his/her mother or father and treats him/her badly.
· He/she always wants your undivided attention.
· He/she must always be in charge.
· He/she always has to win.
· He/she always asks where you went and whom you saw.
· He/she can’t take criticism and always justifies his/her actions.
· Only calls you when he/she is drunk (a booty call) or doesn’t ask you out ahead of time.
· Uses you for sex, but doesn’t take you out on dates.
· Never has money, expects you to pay for everything.
· Has a bad or violent temper (especially when he/she doesn’t get his or her way).
· Isolates you from friends and family.
· Brings you down by criticizing you or putting you down (verbal abuse).
· Blames you for his/her problems or things that aren’t your fault. Blames you for everything that goes wrong in his/her life.
· Too needy or dependent upon you.
· Too demanding or unrealistic expectations. Expects you to be his/her “Slave, Maid or Mother/Father-figure”. May even expect so much of you that you are unable to take good care of yourself.
· Is Manipulative/controlling. Tries to influence you to do things you don’t feel comfortable doing like missing work or breaking the law.
· He/she often says you don’t know what you are talking about.
· He/she makes you feel like you are not good enough.
· He/She withdraws his/her love or approval as punishment.
· Doesn’t care about your feelings or makes you feel bad for having feelings.
· Is secretive about his/her past (may be an ex-convict, pedophile, con-artist or sex-offender).
· Has had multiple failed relationships.
· Cannot keep a job.
· Flirts with other men/woman when you are with her/him.
· Cheats on you or insists upon having or hiding relationships with other men/women from you.
· Lets you know up front that he/or she is not interested in marrying you, but wants a sexual relationship anyway.
· Brings out the worst in you.
· Not trust worthy. Takes/steals from you/ uses you. Takes more than he/she gives back.
· Asks you for money, credit cards, loans or other financial assistance too early on in the relationship.
· Pushes you, holds you down or hits you (physically abusive).
· Influences you to compromise core goals, morals or values.
· Won’t talk to you about the relationship or whatever you may want to discuss, always avoids serious conversations.
· Judge-mental of your life and struggles, although has his/her own share of problems.
· Emotionally distant or goes to someone else to get emotional support. Avoids closeness instead of connecting (intimacy).
· Doesn’t follow through with promises. Breaks them all of the time.
· Always angry for something you did or didn’t do.
· You find yourself apologizing to others for them or making excuses for them.
· You give them chance after chance.
· You end up paying for their sins or forgetfulness.
· You resent them or nag them.
· He/she is addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.
· Is unable to admit they have weaknesses. They believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.
· Is defensive instead of open to feedback.
· Is self-righteous vs. humble.
· Only apologize, but never change their behavior.
· Avoids working on their problems instead of dealing with them
· Demands trust instead of earning it.
· Blames others instead of taking responsibility for their lives.
· Lies instead of telling the truth.
· Is stagnant instead of growing.
· Stays in parent/child roles instead of treating you like and equal.
· Gossips instead of keeping secrets.
· Is unstable over time instead of consistent.
· Flatters you instead of confronting you.
· Condemns you instead of forgiving you.
· He threatens you with harm or destroys your property.
· You feel like you are always walking on “egg shells” when he/she is around.

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

· Draws us closer to God.
· Draws us closer to others.
· Helps us become the real person God created us to be (brings out the best in us).
· They are able to connect with us in a way that we know that they are present with us.
· They love and accept you just as you are, which allows growth.
· Allows us to speak the truth about our faults (honestly) to one another without fear of condemnation.